Immune System Down!

As expected, the chemotherapy (melphalan) has done its job and kicked my immune system out of the park. Whist my transplanted stem cells and the daily dose of Colony Stimulating Factor play catch up, my body and mind are taking a hit.

Earlier in the week I was full of energy, so much so that I thought I was getting happy drugs. People were sending me challenges which got me so excited that I would spend half the day on them. Last time I posted my "no gravity" pictures. I also wrote a recipe for a new tomato and olive bread. It was a lot of fun to write and took half a day, despite building it in my head in about 30 seconds. On Facebook I posted a black and white photo of a body part to make it look like a landscape. In my head it was like Uluru (aka Ayers Rock), or a rocky outcrop with a backdrop of the sea on an overcast day. In fact it was my hand against the translucent window in my room. It kept me busy and excited for hours.Thanks to Colin for the inspiration.

Then slowly I became more tired, taking one or even two naps a day. I was out of breath leaning over my basin to wash myself (lowering haemoglobin levels). I started to get irritable, especially about the shitty, and meagre portions of hospital food.

Another side effect is a sore mouth: with little to combat antigens, the mouth gets infected easily. So far, thanks to a strict oral hygiene program I've avoided a sore throat though. My doctor had told me that I would soon need to get Heparin (an anticoagulant) as my platelet levels were dropping. I was still getting exercise though and it made me feel good. I'd put on some energetic music, and walk up and down the 4.5m space my drip pipes would allow for half an hour. This got the heart racing and the muscles warmed, followed up by a few deep squats and deep breathing exercises. By Wednesday however, my platelet levels hit the threshold and I had to stop exercising to avoid any risk of blood vessels rupturing.

This is when my mood started to drop. I tried to do more challenges (e.g. learning Jabberwocky and writing a story)but gave up, so now it's more about passing time. I read a little (a biography of the great Belgian cyclist, Eddy Merckx), organising January birthday presents for Amy and Rosie. I found a silly car game to play. The best thing I found of all though, was learning Swedish via a Babbel app. I've spent hours learning expressions, testing my pronunciation and have been thoroughly enjoying it. I never had the energy to learn when in Sweden, and always regretted the opportunity to get beyond a few basic phrases. I hope my enthusiasm continues: I'm going to have the time to keep learning in the coming months. I love languages!

I've also started to get a nostalgic (and somewhat emotional). Yesterday I was thinking that exactly 18 years ago, Katie and I had just completed our 18 day Annapurna Circuit trek in the Nepali Himalaya. It was the most wonderful experience of my life. Not only was it the most beautiful place I had been, it was when I really knew that I had found the love of my life.

Being a romantic type, I spent the morning desperately trying to find a florist who could deliver red roses and a card to Katie. I wanted her to know how much I still love her and give her some happiness in a very difficult time for her. After all, for me, the one with the cancer, it's relatively easy. You just try to get through it. But for those closest to you it's the hardest thing of all: the worry, giving emotional support, supporting the family, organising everything that needs to done to keep me safe.

Another thing I realised today, is the value of friends and family reaching out to talk, chat or banter over the internet. Almost every day someone (other than Katie) has called me, and it has helped me so much in recent days.

Hot off the press: the professor just walked in telling me that my blood cells are on the rise and I'll soon move to a room outside where I'll be more free to move around. And that means it's not long before I get to go home.

"Man är lyckligast hemma!"