Mum

Gall stones!

Who knew that gall stones could cause so much pain?

On Thursday 16th March, less than two weeks after her 67th birthday, gall stones took my Mum away. One got stuck in her pancreatic duct resulting in the inflammation of her pancreas knocking her whole body off balance: her lungs, her kidneys and finally her liver gave in. She'd been on life support systems for less than 48 hours, but there was nothing they could do.

It all happened so fast. On Sunday I'd spoken to Dad, it was "Day 100" for me, Mum was having a rest because she wasn't feeling so well. They had spent some time looking after Lizzie's kids and it had tired them out. On Monday morning Dad called; she'd been admitted to hospital with gall stones. They were talking about removing the gall bladder. A friend had had this done recently, and I thought of it as concerning, but treatable.

On Tuesday the situation had become severe, she needed a mask to breathe, but she'd need to be put on a ventilator so that they could run a scan on her pancreatic duct to check for blockage. I spoke to Mum for the last time only an hour after I was allowed to remove my mask in public. I told her that I loved her, and that she should stay positive. She told me that she loved me: that much I could hear from behind her mask. I am so glad for that.

Wednesday, around lunch time, Mum's doctor called me to tell me that her situation was dire and that we were waiting for a miracle. He was kind. Wednesday I cried a lot. Dad and Lizzie were with her, and Vicky had arrived from Singapore: they spent all day and night with her, it must have been so so hard for them. At least I could do other things to take it off my mind. But I wasn't there for her. To hold her hand and whisper in her ear and tell her that I loved her. To hold my Dad and my sisters at the most difficult time for our family. I hardly slept.

On Thursday morning Lizzie called to say the time had come. I could tell my Mum over the phone that I love her very much, that she was a wonderful mother, and I said "goodbye": we would look after Dad. Then they turned off the machines.

I had deluded myself that Amy (7) knew what was going on, she knew Grandma was sick and that Daddy had been crying a lot, but when I asked her if she knew what was going on, she shook her head. Then her eyes welled up with tears. In the end I was glad to be with this part of my family.

This photo makes me smile. Mum never really drank, but when she did you knew a candidate for the family story archive was on the cards. This was during Mum and Dad's last visit to Hungary and the last time I saw Mum in person. It was just after I had got out of hospital. Dad had ordered his usual beer, and Mum her usual orange juice. But, Dad had forgotten that there is zero tolerance to drink driving in Hungary: you can't even have a sip. So Mum took his beer and took great satisfaction in teasing Dad about it, giggling all the way.

Cheers! I love you Mum

100 Days - Freedom!

The 100 day milestone that once seemed impossibly far away is finally here. It's hard to believe that 100 days ago I was in my bunker sealed off from the world.

On Tuesday, I'll have my last check up in Debrecen where they will make some more detailed blood tests to see how my immune system is doing, as well as a bone marrow sample to check for relapse, though my doctor is confident nothing will be found, since I went into chemotherapy MRD- (no cancer cells). I'll still have a suppressed immune system for a long time (up to 18 months), but passing the 100 day milestone means that I can return to the real world. I can go around without a mask and gloves, I can be amongst other people, I can go shopping, to cafes. I can cycle outside. I'm going to give it a few more weeks before I start going to kindergarten and school though. Next weekend I plan to go hiking in the hills with my family.

Today also marked another cool milestone: 500 km on my bike so far this year. Not bad if I say so myself! Soon I will get my new bike and start riding outside for the first time in over a year. I've set myself a 4000 km target for the year. I'm feeling very good these days and can handle longer and harder rides, so it's looking good for Vätternrundan in June.

A month ago I wrote that I was returning to work. That has been working out really well. I'm working 4 hours a day, which means I can still spend plenty of time looking after myself: cycling, going for walks, reading, studying and eating well. I even started playing with writing a professional blog, which I've found a really good way to cement my understanding of difficult topics. Eventually I will start to work more and even go back into the office, but I am in no rush.

I cannot wait for Tuesday and after 104 days being able to have a kiss :)